How to Build a Strong and Healthy Marriage: 12 Essential Tips for A Lifelong Marriage
- Mar 6, 2024
- 5 min read
Updated: Feb 14
Is Your Marriage Strong and Lifelong?
Is your marriage the strong, lifelong bond you desire it to be? Or are there areas that need attention and growth?
Answering this question begins with understanding how your values align with your marriage. What are you prioritizing in your relationship? What are you doing to invest in your marriage so that it becomes the lifelong love you envision?
The Foundation of a Lifelong Marriage
I’m a firm believer that happy, healthy, and lasting marriages are possible. I come from a broken home where I didn’t see this modeled, but in my own marriage, my husband and I value putting God first. With God as our anchor, we know that He’s guiding our relationship, leading us toward a lifelong love. Jesus sets the ultimate example for us by demonstrating love, forgiveness, kindness, mercy, and grace, and He gives us the strength to embody those qualities in our marriage.
How Your Past Shapes Your Marriage
One important thing I wish I’d known when I got married is that the experiences and relationships from our past—whether positive or negative—play a significant role in shaping how we approach challenges in marriage. Understanding your past is key to building a healthy, thriving relationship.
For some, this might mean bringing a happy childhood with only a few hiccups. For others, it could involve growing up in a broken home or having no model of a healthy marriage to follow. You might have experienced constant conflict between your parents or perhaps been raised by a single parent without the presence of the other. All of these experiences shape how you navigate marriage and may present challenges that you didn’t anticipate.
Values and Foundations: What Are You Building?
What are the essential ingredients you wish you’d known about relationships when you were younger? What values do you want to instill in your marriage?
Take a moment to reflect on the foundation you’ve set for your marriage. Is it one built upon the ROCK or one that is built on shaky ground?
So much time is spent planning weddings and honeymoons, but how much attention is given to safeguarding your marriage for the long-term commitment? Marriage requires preparation beyond the “I dos.” Establishing strong foundations for communication, trust, and shared values is essential.
Safeguarding Your Marriage: Healthy Practices
Safeguarding your marriage means being intentional in protecting your bond through everyday practices. Some key ingredients include:
Setting healthy boundaries
Prioritizing time together, like date nights or shared hobbies
Always speaking truth and avoiding secrets
Keeping God at the center of your marriage by praying together and seeking His guidance
My husband and I have always agreed on putting God at the center of our marriage, and whether in good times or tough seasons, we turn to Him in prayer. We've learned to communicate openly, asking questions and sharing our hearts to better understand each other. Even if you come from a happy home, there are still challenges that will arise. A job loss, illness, or the death of a loved one can shake the foundation of any relationship. In these moments, who will be your anchor? How will you weather the storm together?
During my premarital sessions, I ask couples to complete this sentence: 'Growing up, in my home...' This question provides valuable insights into each person’s background and perspective, helping couples understand how they view and handle different situations in marriage. It’s a great conversation starter that helps couples explore more about themselves and each other, while learning how to use their past experiences to strengthen and shape their marriage for the better.
The Power of Communication: Understanding Each Other
Communication in marriage is key and understanding that you are both on the same team helps you to paint a more positive outcome. If the goal is to win an argument, you've just hurt the person you claim to love the most. If you look at them with an understanding heart, putting yourself in their shoes or asking questions that help you understand why the other person feels hurt, angry, or unclear may help you emotionally connect better. Marriages need to create a space where each person can feel safe, vulnerable, and validated.
Here are three questions, if you are having difficulty connecting like you once did:
What were the qualities that made you fall in love with your spouse?
What are the activities you enjoy doing together?
When do you most feel loved by your spouse?
The Importance of Date Nights and Deep Connection
Schedule regular date nights or dedicated time together to discuss topics that will help you better understand one another and deepen your emotional connection. My husband and I recently celebrated another anniversary, and during our date, we reminisced about when we first met and how we fell in love. Our love grows deeper each day.
Embracing Differences: Understanding and Compromise
You may have heard that "opposites attract," but what happens when those differences start to pull you apart? It’s crucial to understand that these differences can be opportunities for growth if you approach them with curiosity and respect. Rather than letting opposing traits cause friction, take time to understand each other’s unique needs and perspectives. These tough conversations help reinforce the relationship and allow for compromise.
For example, in our marriage, money was a challenge. My husband and I come from very different financial backgrounds. For me, money was tied to scarcity, while he grew up in a more abundant environment. Over time, we’ve learned to navigate these differences by scheduling regular conversations about money. We’ve found that proactively addressing these conversations is vital for maintaining our connection and avoiding unnecessary conflict.
In fact, research shows that about 41% of first marriages end in divorce, and financial stress contributes to 20-40% of these separations. By addressing money issues head-on, we’ve been able to leverage each other’s strengths—my husband is good at managing money, and I bring a unique perspective rooted in scarcity. This open communication has helped us grow stronger as a couple.
Scheduling Difficult Conversations: Leveraging Strengths
Having tough conversations is a part of marriage. But it’s how you approach them that counts. Instead of avoiding these topics, schedule time to talk when you're in a good headspace. Here are a few questions to consider:
What tough conversations do you need to schedule to maintain a healthy mindset?
What strengths do you each bring into your marriage that you can leverage?
How can you better handle difficult conversations when you are not in agreement?
12 Tips For A Strong and Healthy Marriage:
Put God first
Always tell the truth - trust and honesty go hand-in-hand
Safeguard your marriage
Talk daily and communicate with an understanding heart
Remember, you are a team. You are for each other's best.
Work as a team for a win-win outcome by resolving problems together
Support each other's dreams and goals
Prioritize and invest in your relationship (date nights, doing things you both enjoy, vacations...)
Show gratitude
Forgive, let go, don't hold the past over your spouse
Make each other laugh
Remember your wedding vows to honor and respect one another
Next Steps for a Stronger Marriage
Prioritize God as the foundation of your marriage, aligning your values with His for a fruitful relationship.
Celebrate the areas of your marriage where you’re doing well—it’s a great reason for a date night!
Identify one or two areas to improve, and set time aside to talk and plan for positive change.
Set boundaries that protect your relationship.
Seek professional help, such as counseling or marriage coaching, if you need additional support.
Take Action Today
If you’re looking to strengthen your marriage, now is the time to take action. Whether it’s planning a date night, scheduling a tough conversation, or reaching out for professional support, commit today to investing in a healthier, happier marriage. Don’t wait—your lifelong love starts with the choices you make today.
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Romans 12:10
