11 Ways To Help Someone Struggling With Depression

“Mental illness… occurs when our mental health is compromised or neglected for so long that it affects our ability to function in our everyday life.”

Kati Morton

I’ve often shared my story about my dad leaving when I was only 16 years old. I share it for no other reason than to help people. When you are going through a difficult season, it can feel like there is no end to the nightmare. Looking back at that season of my life, I have learned a great deal about mental health and the importance of taking care of my well-being. I use my experience to help others know that they are not alone and that a mental illness does not define them.

You are not alone in your journey. You can overcome. You can heal.

Today, I’m sharing about the depression I saw in my sister when she was still a youth. I could not tell you at a young age what depression was or what it meant to be depressed, even though I too went through a season of depression. My sister’s depression impaired her daily life. She was unable to get out of bed, shower, or dress. She used food as her comfort and so depression led to her becoming overweight. In this way, not only did it affect her mentally, but physically as well, and it robbed her from living and enjoying life to it’s fullest.

I share this also to say that depression can look different in each individual. For some, we might see obvious signs, like a sad mood. For me, some would say I was angry. I was high functioning. I went to work and had a social life. Depression can look different in you and in me.

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

Depression, according to the American Psychiatric Association, is “a common and serious mental disorder that negatively affects how you feel, think, act, and perceive the world.” Based on Gallup research, “nearly three in ten adults (29%) have been diagnosed with depression at some point in their lives and about 18% are currently experiencing depression.” The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that there are over 264 million people worldwide who have depression.

During my undergrad, I learned in psychology that there were different types of depression. The type of depression one has is diagnosed by the length, duration, and symptoms of the mental illness. This information has helped me tremendously to be able to take care of myself and prevent depression in my life again.

One way understanding depression helped me is when I realized a relationship with a boss was affecting my mental health. I was no longer excited to get out of bed and go to a job I used to enjoy. After a few months of things escalating, I realized I was becoming sad. I picked up the phone, while at work, and called my doctor’s office. I said I need to make an appointment right away. They told me they couldn't get me in right away to see my doctor. I replied with, this can’t wait. The receptionist said to me kindly, “What’s going on, Sandy?” I said, “I think I am starting to get depressed.” I was squeezed in to see my primary care physician that same afternoon.

Fortunately, I had been with my employer at that time for several years by then and had rarely ever called in sick. I was able to take time off from work, using my accumulated sick leave, to take care of my mental health needs. This brought a lot of hope for me to get out of my toxic work environment and have time to think about what I could do moving forward and, most importantly, to heal. This is why I am a strong advocate for self-care. For me, self-care, (taking care of my needs) means preventative care. My actions to stop and take care of myself, before going down a road I knew I was headed towards, helped me to take the time I needed for my health and well-being and find a better path that led to healing and happiness.

There was a term used in the 1970s and 80s. It was called masked depression, which meant the symptoms weren’t noticeable. This term was used to describe someone experiencing physical symptoms of major depressive disorder. The physical symptoms that one might experience could be fatigue, rapid heart rate, back pain, or muscle aches, and stomach pain or gastrointestinal issues, as well as psychological symptoms in the form of difficulty sleeping or changes in appetite, and poor concentration, like problem solving. If you have masked depression, you may suffer from a few of the the psychological symptoms or have none of the symptoms. You may experience them second to the physical symptoms. These psychological symptoms may look like anxiety, irritability, loss of pleasure, or feelings of worthlessness. Depression can rob you of having a full and healthy life.

12 Ways Depression Shows Up In Our Lives:

Calling in absent from work
Ditching classes
Not fulfilling ones’ responsibilities
Sleeping too much or too little
Fatigue
Low energy
Overeating or not eating at all
Consuming more alcohol
Feeling hopeless or less optimistic about life
Experiencing intense emotions, such as irritability and anger
Not engaging in activities that used to be pleasurable
Isolating from family, friends, and social activities

A medical or mental health provider will also want to assess what other factors could be contributing to ones’ mental health concerns, as some symptoms mimic those of other disorders, such as depression can mimic dementia in the elderly. It’s important to get an accurate diagnosis to get proper treatment and begin to heal.

If I could go back, one thing I would tell my 16-year-old self is that the emotions I was feeling would not last forever. I also wish I had understood what it meant to sit with my emotions so that I could process, overcome, and heal, and what therapeutic tools and support was available to me.

11 Ways you can help someone experiencing sadness or depression:

Encourage one another and build one another up. 1 Thess. 5:11
Pray with and for them.
Be Jesus' hands and feet. Provide tangible support that helps lighten their burden.
Be there for them. Offer emotional support and validate their feelings.
Be a safe person that offers a “safe space” for them to share and be vulnerable without judgment.
If they have children, offer to watch their kids so they can take time they need to take care of their needs.
Offer to bring them a meal or to take them out to give them an opportunity to talk and get away.
Do something fun with them, such as pottery or a painting class, which can be therapeutic and provide relief and possibly begin the healing journey.
Do something outdoors, such as a nature walk or time at the beach taking in God’s breathtaking beauty, which can also be relaxing, a distraction, and therapeutic.
Bring over a furry friend or take them to an animal shelter or zoo. Animals can provide comfort, they give unconditional love, and are a gift from God to help with healing.
Offer to help them find a mental health provider and/or support group.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Romans 12:15

I’m glad we’ve come a long way with mental health awareness and that more people at a young age are informed of what mental illness looks like and the support they can receive. If you or someone you know is feeling sadness or depression, you are not alone. There is support. You can reach out to a medical or mental health provider to get diagnosed and receive proper treatment. Healing can be just a phone call away.

‘Do not fear, for I am with you;

Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,

Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

Isaiah 41:10

Reflective Journaling Exercise

How are you feeling today?
In what ways can you be more mindful about your feelings and emotions?
What does self-care look like in your daily life?
What preventative measures are you taking to take care of your needs, your health, and happiness?
How can you allow God to help you take care of yourself so that you can experience less stress, anxiety, or even sadness.

Take a moment to pray and ask God to help you in an area you need His help, let go, and surrender that circumstance to Him. If you are doing alright, thank God for where you are in your life right now.

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." Isaiah 40:29

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