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Relationships: Non-Negotiables

Do you ever wish relationships came with an instruction manual?

  • What are the things to avoid in a relationship?

  • What does a healthy relationship look like?

  • How do I find the right person? Husband/wife material?

  • Where do I begin or what does the courtship look like?

One thing I wish I would have known when I was younger is: What are your Non-Negotiables?

Non-negotiables are what you value and are unwilling to compromise in a relationship. Non-negotiables are vital for a long-lasting relationship!

What are your non-negotiables in a relationship? My first piece of advice would be to make a list of your negotiables and non-negotiables.

When I finally figured this out, it was right before I met my husband. My husband kept asking me out and I kept saying, "No." I was tired of being in one bad relationship after another. Thank God, he was persistent in asking me out. I finally said, "This is what I am looking for in a relationship." Fortunately for me, he kept saying, "That's what I'm looking for in a relationship" to everything I wanted in a relationship. So, I decided to go on a date with him and said, "Yes." It turned out to be the best date and 20 years later we are still together!

What did my non-negotiables look like? I don't remember all of them, but I can tell you the most important one was, "I go to church and I need someone in my life who is going to go to church with me." So, our dating relationship began, and we lived happily ever after; till death do us part.

Non-negotiables are things, such as:

I want someone in my life who is going to go to church with me.

I want someone in my life who wants children.

I want someone in my life who likes dogs as much as I do and wants to have a dog.

Most people that I have counseled have not thought about their negotiables and non-negotiables. Without clarity, relationships get lost or unclear. The heart takes over and the brain gets left behind, leading to unhappiness or separation. If there was an instruction manual on relationships, know your non-negotiables would be at the top of my list. If you follow your non-negotiables, God will bless your relationship!

“Above all else, guard your heart for from it flows the wellspring of life.”

Proverbs 4:23

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